


Kindred (Ex-spirit)

by MercurySkies



Series: A Ghoul's Guide to Life, Death & Afterliving [3]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Mental Health Issues, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 20:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14363472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurySkies/pseuds/MercurySkies
Summary: “C’mon big guy. We’ve still gotta get our story straight.” He says stepping away and walking back toward the front of the car, climbing gratefully back into the driver’s seat, the warmth of the interior more than welcome. Shane gives him a look that says that there’s a joke to be made that he hasn’t quite sunk low enough to make... Yet. Ryan just smacks him in the arm again and Shane’s answering grin has relief flooding through him, his own anxiety easing a little at the sight of it. “I thought my first idea was a pretty good.”“We’re not telling your parents we met at a fetish club Shane.”“But-”“Or that you rescued me from a bear.”“They’re both entirely plausible scenarios.”The whole meeting the parents thing has a whole new meaning when the first time your boyfriend is going to meet them is also the first time you’ll be seeing them since you died that one time and hung out as a ghost for a year. It’s hard to tell who’s more nervous, Shane or Ryan. Both for entirely different reasons.





	Kindred (Ex-spirit)

**Author's Note:**

> An addition to the [A Ghoul’s Guide to Life, Death & Afterliving](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319340) series exploring the aftermath of Shane's time as a ghost, and the inevitable meeting of the parents of your previously dead boyfriend.
> 
> You might want to at least get the gist of A Ghoul's Guide before reading but really Shane was a ghost and now he's a flesh and bone human grasshopper again and that's all you really need to know to get the general idea.

The whole meeting the parents thing has a whole new meaning when the first time your boyfriend is going to meet them is also the first time you’ll be seeing them since you died that one time and hung out as a ghost for a year. It’s hard to tell who’s more nervous, Shane or Ryan. Both for entirely different reasons.

Ryan is terrified they won’t like him. No matter how many times Ryan has heard Shane sing his praises to them on the phone, he’s out of his mind with fear that they’ll think he isn’t good enough for their son. He knows realistically, what the fuck are they gonna do about it? Shane’s a grown ass man, he can love whomever he chooses to love and he knows Shane loves him, is reminded of it every day. The thought of having these people, who mean so much to Shane, dislike him is entirely soul crushing. His confidence wavers and together with Shane’s own nervousness it results in the few days before their flight out to Illinois feeling tense. Shane tries to soothe his fears as best he can, a stilted obsession with calming his nerves even as his own teeter on the edge. The tapping starts at take off and Ryan has to cajole him into sleeping by leaning his head on his shoulder in their cramped seats. He could make it without the sleep but Shane loves his rest even though he rarely gets enough of it.

Ryan struggles to understand Shane’s behaviour. He’d thought he’d be more excited. They’ve already met some of Shane’s friends and Shane had been filled with nothing but excitement and tearful joy at being reunited with them. This is different sure, flesh and blood he’s known since birth, but there isn’t even the slightest glimmer of agitated excitement in his eyes as he blinks them open once they’ve landed. He’s quiet as they make their way through the airport, no quips or jokes, just a tight grip on Ryan’s hand and a tired smile. He clambers into their rental car with shaking legs and Ryan wonders how they’ll make it through the drive, how they’ll make it through the day with their skins feeling too tight.

Inevitably they don’t make it through the drive. Ryan can see, out of the corner of his eyes, Shane trying to hide his sniffling in the bunched up scarf he has pressed against the car window and he pulls over as soon as it’s safe to do so. It’s cold today, the middle of November, the trees a mix of towering evergreens and the burnished hues of those losing their leaves as winter approaches. He keeps the car idle, the heat on, but unclips his seat belt turning in the driver’s seat. “Baby,” he says, voice quiet and soothing “can you talk to me? I’m lost here Shane, I thought you’d be more excited.” He places a hand, palm up on the console, their invitation, their ‘I’m here and I’m listening’ gesture. Shane shifts in his seat, rubbing his eyes hard with his fists as his mouth curls into a grimace. His eyes are red when he drops his hands away from his face, but there’s no sign of tears, just the warning signs that say they’re prickling at the corners. He huffs a little like he can’t quite catch his breath and curls his hand around Ryan’s own, long delicate fingers slotting into place. He swallows obsessively, and Ryan can tell he’s struggling to speak, to find the right words. “Take your time.”

“We’ll be late.” He breathes out after a while, eyes staring back out at the road and the passing cars.

“I’m sure they won’t mind. We’ll call-”

“I don’t want to worry them.” He interrupts. His hand slips from Ryan’s grasp.

“I’m sure they won’t if we-” He tries to placate him again but Shane cuts him off once more, waspish and frustrated.

“You don’t get it.” Shane grits out. “I don’t want to cause them any more-” He snaps his mouth shut abruptly. The word ‘grief’ is left unsaid but Ryan can hear it loud and clear, it echoes above the hum of the heater and the traffic beyond the warm safety of the car. Shane abruptly pushes the car door open and Ryan flinches as it slams shut behind him. He watches in the rearview mirror as Shane lopes around the car to rest against the trunk, digging the heel of his palms into his eyes, a mist of breath leaving him in pants. It hurts. To see him like this, to know that there’s nothing he can do for Shane in this instance. He’s already done all he can, tried to listen, tried to help him challenge the guilt that often fills his chest like dark water in his lungs. Sometimes he just doesn’t understand, he tries by _God_ does he try but sometimes he just doesn’t _get it_. Then he feels his own guilt, like he’s failed him but he knows truthfully his guilt is baseless. He can be there, he can make him feel heard and that’s the closest thing to understanding he’s got.

He clambers out of the car and makes his way to Shane’s side. He stares out at the road, a small frown on his face. Ryan steps in between Shane’s legs and kisses him, sweet and soft and feels Shane’s shaky damp exhale as he succumbs to it, wrapping his arms around his waist and tugging him closer. Shane’s pleased hum warms him in the cold fall air and he leans their foreheads together, an embrace probably a little too intimate for the side of the road. “I know how guilty you feel about this whole thing.” Ryan starts and feels a smile tug at his lips as Shane grimaces, eyes still firmly closed. “But your parents don’t remember, you can’t blame yourself for every worry and fear they might have now. You’re their kid, they’re meant to worry about you. They love you.” That makes Shane open his eyes, but the first thing he does is roll them. Ryan just punches him in the arm, leaning back in the safety of his hold. “I love you.” Ryan says quietly, feeling his face heat even though he’s spoken the words countless times by now. Ryan watches Shane’s adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard, a small smile turning just a touch watery. “I love you.” He says voice quiet, and it sings through Ryan just like it did the first time, like the words are the spark that finally set him alight.

“C’mon big guy. We’ve still gotta get our story straight.” He says stepping away and walking back toward the front of the car, climbing gratefully back into the driver’s seat, the warmth of the interior more than welcome. Shane gives him a look that says that there’s a joke to be made that he hasn’t quite sunk low enough to make... Yet. Ryan just smacks him in the arm again and Shane’s answering grin has relief flooding through him, his own anxiety easing a little at the sight of it. “I thought my first idea was a pretty good.”

“We’re not telling your parents we met at a fetish club Shane.”

“But-”

“Or that you rescued me from a bear.”

“They’re both entirely plausible scenarios.”

“For a start neither of us have ever been to a fetish club.” Ryan says pointedly as he attempts to turn back onto the road. He knows this entire conversation is just Shane trying to ease his worries. He’s spent countless nights awake alongside him, reassuring him that his family will adore him, that they’ll probably think he’s out of Shane’s league anyway. Those nights always ended with slow, syrupy kiss, praise pressed into every inch of Ryan’s bronze skin like a brand.

“Maybe we should change that.” Shane smirks from the passenger seat. There is that mischievous  twinkle in his eyes that makes Ryan’s knees weak, but it’s a little more than just teasing. “We’re not-” Ryan clears his throat and when he speaks again his voice is a little hoarse “we’re not having this conversation 45 minutes before I meet your parents for the first time to then spend a long weekend staying in your childhood home.”

“Are you suggesting neither of us are getting off this weekend because if that’s the case we’re turning the car around immediately.” Shane says, but he’s smiling wide and Ryan knows he’s not serious, although the guy loves a roll in the hay he went a year without and was content enough. “With that kind of attitude?” Ryan quips back, feeling warm all over. “Absolutely not.”

 

* * *

 

When they finally pull up outside his parents’ house Shane feels like he might pass out and Ryan doesn’t look like he’s faring any better. He wishes he could do something to help ease his anxiety but he knows that little will stop the spiral now but his parents’ approval. Shane knows they’ll love him, because few people don’t love Ryan, he’s charismatic and kind, passionate and funny and in Shane’s opinion anyone who doesn’t at least _like_ him is an idiot. Shane drags their bag from the trunk and dumps it on the curb. Ryan jumps, startled out of his staring contest with the cat that lives down the street to turn and face him, mouth twisted into a grimace. Shane raises an eyebrow at him and stretches out a hand, their roles from earlier reversed. Glancing up at his old home,  he swears he sees a curtain twitch but he pays it no mind as Ryan takes his hand, allowing him to pull him into his arms.

“Your mom is watching us through the window.” Ryan says, the words muffled into his collarbone. His fingers twist into the bottom of Shane’s jacket, keeping him close and Shane feels himself fall in love with him all over again. “Yeah I know she’s been doing that since I was 17. Had to park the next street over if I wanted to steal a kiss in the car.” He says leaning down so his lips brush against Ryan’s temple.

“What about now?” Ryan says pulling back and looking up at him with mischief in his dark eyes. He’s feeling braver, he can tell by the way his palms glide up his chest to grasp at his collar and tug him down. “I find it very difficult to give a shit about anything else when you’re looking at me like this.” He breathes and then Ryan is kissing him, gentle and sweet and Shane feels himself sigh into it. When Ryan pulls back he’s smiling, there is still a tightness in the line of his shoulders but he looks less like he’s gonna throw up as Shane tangles their fingers together and shoulders their bag. “Ready?” Shane asks, tugging him up the path to the front door.

“As I’ll ever be.” Ryan breathes out in reply, squeezing his hand as Shane knocks on the door. It swings open to reveal Shane’s mom.

“Hey mom.” Shane greets her as he’s tugged into an enthusiastic hug, his voice cracks a little, the wind knocked out of him at both the force of the hug and the sheer scale of what this weekend means. He thought he’d never see her again. He coughs, hears his mom sniffle into his shoulder and she pulls back, wiping her eyes quickly on the cuff of her shirt. It devastates him but he has to keep smiling, they have no idea how long it’s been, they have no idea that he very nearly lost them, that they lost him. “You’ve had 13 years and you’re still no better at spying on me.” She hits him in the shoulder smiling and Shane can barely breathe. “I got excited okay? It’s not everyday your son brings his boyfriend home for the first time. Ryan! It’s lovely to meet you finally!”

“It’s lovely to meet you too Mrs Madej.” Ryan says with a blinding smile, accepting his mom’s hug without hesitation.

“Oh please,” she grins “call me Sherry.” Just like that she’s in love with him.

It isn’t long before Ryan has both Shane’s parents wrapped around his little finger and it’s then that he realises he truly is his parents’ son. Ryan finds an ally in his endless crusade to mock him at every available opportunity in his brother and Shane honestly can’t find it within himself to even be indignant. He doesn’t cry traitor even as Finn regales him with tales of his youth, embarrassing tales, ones he’s pretty sure his parents also haven’t heard and probably shouldn’t but well the cat’s out of the bag now that’s for sure. He’s just happy, plain and simple. His lack of protest does raise suspicions but it just becomes more ammunition, his obvious adoration apparent in his lack of opposition. Shane is endlessly teased for how absolutely gone he is for Ryan but as he sits across from him in a chair in his parents’ living room, sweater soft with a mug of tea steaming between his fingertips he thinks ‘why the fuck wouldn’t I be?’

He’s being unusually quiet but any time he tries to speak a lump forms in his throat and his hands begin to shake. His voice sounds hoarse and weak whenever he does manage to get the words out. Ryan rescues him and tells his parents that he’s been working hard and he’s just gotten over a cold. The lie, although a blessing, just adds to the guilt. He feels like he should be more engaged, more overjoyed but every burst of laughter, every recounted memory, every baby picture and shared moment reminds him of how he threw it all away once, that he would have lost this forever.

He meanders out into the back yard as Ryan helps his mom with the dishes after dinner and it isn’t long before Finn joins him, pressing a beer into his hands as he passes him by to take a seat next to him on their old rickerty lawn chairs. “Ryan’s great.” Finn says conversationally and it makes Shane crack a smile. “Am I supposed to thank you or?” He says and Finn huffs out a laugh.

“You should be thanking _someone_.” He fires back. “Punching a little above your weight bro.”

“Fuck off.” Shane wheezes, laughter startled out of him. He sighs, leaning back and looking up at the darkening sky. “God you’re right though.” He says and he’s still smiling. He can’t stop smiling, even though he feels as though he’s on a precipice, strung out and mind crammed full of convoluted thoughts, but just the mention of Ryan’s name seems to halt it all for a while.

“For real.” Finn starts again, punching Shane in the arm to regain his attention. “You’re both stupidly in love. You both got lucky.” Shane nods, feeling that burning lump lodge itself in his throat and he grunts, frustrated. He tries to dislodge it by taking a gulp of his beer but he struggles to swallow that too. He sets the bottle back on the ground with that tell-tale clink of glass and feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes until they sting with it. “Hey.” Finn’s voice sounds, quiet and calm next to him. Shane glances over at his concerned face and gives him a smile that he knows probably looks more like a grimace. “Hey it’s okay. What’s going on Shane? I knew that ‘getting over a cold’ story was bullshit.”

Damn Finn for always being more perceptive than Shane gives him credit for. He’s his brother, and he so wants to tell him the whole truth, all of it. But he’s his brother and he knows he’ll never believe him. “I’m seeing a therapist.” He breathes out, swiping preemptively at his eyes, catching traitorous tears before they fall. “Things have been... Rough.” He says, stuttering and swallowing compulsively around the words and he can’t elaborate right now but the amazing thing about Finn is that he never forces him to, he’s just there, whenever he needs him. “Oh man.” he says simply and then he’s standing and hauling Shane up by the arm and enveloping him in a hug and Shane curses himself for ever thinking he could leave him behind, his quiet and steady support. When they break apart Finn is smiling at him like he’s proud and although he’s infinitely confused by the expression he feels a weight lift from him as he settles back into his lawn chair.

 

* * *

 

Sherry is clearly where Shane gets his quick wit and gentle demeanour. She is a wonder of a woman, caring and smart and Ryan is so glad he’s managed to win her approval. Though he doesn’t know how he’s managing to keep it considering how often he’s zoned out whilst helping with the dishes, watching Shane and Finn through the kitchen window with a frown. Suddenly the dish he’d been drying is plucked from his grasp and he snaps to attention so fast it makes Sherry laugh at him. “Excellent job Ryan. Dry as a bone.” She says dryly and it almost startles him how ‘Shane’ the words sound. Like mother like son.

She follows his gaze and looks out the window, watching her sons with a small smile. “He’s been having a tough time hasn’t he?” She sighs and Ryan stays silent, unsure what to say. He often wonders if any part of Shane’s family remembers, if any of them feel the pain and grief from losing him when they look at him but don’t remember why it’s there, a phantom of the consequences of an event which to them never took place. He imagines it might be a little like a nightmare, vivid for a while until it fades into the vaguest sense of unease. “I know my son. Thinks he’s got it under wraps but anyone paying attention for long enough can read him like a book. Right, Ryan?” She says with a small smile leaning against the counter. Ryan mirrors her, lets himself relax. It seems Shane’s whole family have the uncanny ability to disarm him. “Right.” He says quietly, gaze drifting back to the window just as Shane throws his head back in laughter, slapping his thigh with an open palm. “He’s doing a lot better though. He’ll be okay.” He says, unable to keep the proud intonation from his voice, unable to stop looking at Shane, talking animatedly about something as Finn watches on. “I know that too.” She says grinning, she bumps their shoulders together and Ryan feels like crying. “After all, he’s got you.”

 

* * *

 

Ryan had planned on exploring the hidden depths of Shane’s old bedroom but he’s accosted the moment the door closes and its lock clicks behind him. Shane kisses him, like he’s desperate for it, mouth dessert sweet and wanting. He whines as Ryan’s teeth graze his bottom lip and it’s a needy sound, not unfamiliar but rare and it has him pulling back to look at him. Shane doesn’t move, just leans into him against the bedroom door. He has his eyes tightly shut and his hands tremor slightly where they grip at Ryan’s waist. “Shane?” Ryan says quietly but he doesn’t open his eyes, as he stays resolutely silent. His chest rises and falls out of rhythm, staccato breaths that don’t seem to fill his lungs. His jaw twitches and his hands flex on Ryan’s hips, pushing and pulling him minutely.

Worry seizes in Ryan’s chest and he cups Shane’s face in his hands, calmed only a little by the way he leans into the touch. “Shane?” He asks again and Shane opens his eyes and then crumbles, lightening fast any pretense drops from him and he clings, like Ryan will disappear if he lets go. Ryan manages to usher him over to the bed and curls around him, letting hot, stinging tears dampen the neck of his shirt. Shane is quiet, no wracking sobs just, the quiet sound of ragged breathing his face pressed against Ryan’s collarbone and his arm coiled tight around his waist. Ryan just gazes up at the ceiling, dotted with a sparse smattering of glow in the dark stars. Grey marks take the place of a few, a sign that these stars have fallen over the years and it seems fitting. Ryan breathes comfort into Shane’s temple, strokes through his messy hair like he can soothe away the anguish of the day. It aches, to see Shane implode like a collapsing star, how a man so steady and sure can shake himself apart in such a way is incomprehensible to Ryan.

Eventually Shane begins to quiet and it isn’t long before he falls asleep. Ryan gazes around the bedroom in a sleepy daze. It’s unlived-in, large parts of it bare but some posters remain, obscure bands Ryan has never heard of, and some photographs of old and forgotten friends but a young Shane, as ridiculous then as he is now. It’s been a long time since this was Shane’s bedroom, it’s only truly his in name now. Still, parts of him lurk in the corners of the small room, piles of battered books that look as if they’ve been read over and over again, a trumpet case and a monstrosity that resembles a straw hat dangling from the end of a curtain pole.

Ryan feels a kiss being pressed to the skin of his collarbone, a pale finger pulling the collar of his t-shirt out of the way and that’s how he learns Shane is awake. “Well this is a nice dream.” He mumbles and Ryan laughs, giddy and breathless.

“Not a dream buddy.” He says, resisting the urge to arch up into the hot press of his mouth. His fingers tangle into Shane’s unruly hair of their own accord.

“Really?” He asks, and they really shouldn’t be getting into this when Shane cried himself to sleep only an hour ago but his voice is light and amused beneath the low timbre of sleep that tinges it. “I had a lot of dreams like this in high school. Boys in my bed. In bed with boys. Boys.”

“God you’re so gay.”

“Bi but yeah.” He shrugs, and Ryan can feel it as he shifts against him. His big head pops into view in the low light and he’s smiling. His face is pale, cheeks a splotchy red and eyes puffy from crying but he looks soft, devilishly handsome in the gold glow of the bedside lamp. “I mean - what? No! All those times I’ve had your dick in my mouth were a complete accident.” He deadpans, but he cracks when Ryan laughs, grin so broad his warm brown eyes practically disappear. Ryan tugs him down into a kiss and Shane melts against him, lax and serene as he props himself up on his elbows settling between Ryan’s legs. He’s heavy and they’re not likely to be able to stay this way for long, with Shane lazily stretched out on top of him but he allows himself this time to revel in their closeness.

Shane pulls back reluctantly, blinking away that dreamy look he sometimes gets when they’re as close as this. “Thank you.” He says, so sincerely a lump forms in Ryan’s throat. “I’m good.” He adds, like he knows Ryan has been waiting to ask. Shane was right when he said they were getting better at this, at talking, at telling each other what they need to know. “Just the-” He starts and then stops, breathes in so deeply Ryan can feel the space beneath his ribs concave. “Just the thought that I almost lost this,” he continues, tapping the bed and Ryan knows he means not just this moment, not just introducing Ryan to his family but his family themselves, “it got overwhelming and there’s no way to tell them _why_ without them thinking I’ve lost it entirely.”

“They are all infuriatingly skeptical and I’m entirely unsurprised.” He says, looping his arms around Shane’s neck and attempting to roll them until Shane simply collapses completely on top of him with a grunt before sliding off to lay beside him on the too small bed. “What can I say?” Shane grins “It runs in the family.”

Ryan kisses him until he falls asleep again, mouth going lax against his and he pulls him close with a quiet laugh. He’ll tease him about it in the morning just as he knows Shane’s entire family will tease them both at breakfast tomorrow morning.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think and you can find me [here](https://mercury-skies.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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